This may not be the best post to start off but I felt I wanted to start blogging again because of this feeling and moment i am going through right now, 07/02/16, 0700hrs. I dreamt about my ex-girlfriend. Normally, I could not recall about my dreams. However, this is dream of mine is a little too powerful for me to endure and ignore. It was my ex-girlfriend and I going out and enjoying ourselves again. Our hugs, our little talks, our meals together, our warm embrace, our touch and our plans for the evening. It seems so real while we were having our simple and yet lovely evening. However, only I have the memory that we broke off so long ago and it seems that she does not have any memory of it. I was feeling both relieve and trouble. It was such an oxymoron or contradicting feeling. It made me miss all the times we spend together. It opened my feeling that I kept hidden in me for quite some time. It made me re-call forgotten feeling. How I wish we were still together. Continue to my dream, when I was about to confess about the break-up and asking if we could start a new beginning I was stop by her current boyfriend. And the dream continues as me slowly fading out and waking up of my dream.
Right now, I am tearing while typing this post. Sitting on this Beacon model desk from Ikea while listening variation of Kari Jobe songs and typing the post. I was feeling much better with each button pushed down on the keyboard. I am thankful of my days with her. It made me know I can love someone so much even though it has been nearly 2 years we broke off. Why I think she broke off with me is because of her now 'boyfriend'. I wanted to whine so much on this post but at the same time I don't want to talk bad about her. I guess to truly love someone sometimes you have to give up being with her for her happiness. Only we choose our happiness but apparently her happiness is not with me anymore.
After waking up from the dream all I wanted is to listen to worship songs and pray to Jesus. To be in his presence is all i ever wanted. To heal my hurt, to tell him how hurt and broken i was. To tell him how stupid i was to still think about her. What I feel from him is a presence of peace. I feel that he is telling me he understands. He told me I can whine as much as I want to him. He said he is my father and he will listen. He said he is my best-friend and he will talk to me. He said he is my God and he will take care of it. I ask what should i do? His reply is to read my word and live my life. He said he have plans for me. He said I can take a break to reach out to others for now. He said i need time to heal and be ministered before i can heal and minister to others again. So, take some rest and continue to read his word. Thank you Lord for your presence. Thinking back I was praying everyday for 5 times, a hour each, for 1 month when we broke up.
Written by:
Tommy Ang
SGW
